Baby LRC’s outfit says “Best Gift Ever.” Indeed he is.
How was everyone’s Christmas? Hope you all got what you wanted. So my wife and I decided not to buy gifts this year. Honestly, we’re not that big on gifts. Sure, it’s nice to give and receive them, but we don’t mind if its given at a later date, I mean why do we need a specific day to give someone we love a gift? We also don’t care about the gift being extravagant. We’d prefer to discuss big purchases with each other anyway. Plus, we have most material things that we want, and would prefer to save for a house.
Well, last week, a few days before Christmas, everyone at work was stressing out about the amount of shopping they had to do before the big day. I made the mistake of mentioning that I didn’t have much shopping to do when they asked me. I guess I’ve been hanging out in the personal finance blogosphere so long, I thought it was “acceptable” not to give gifts. Brad from Richmond Savers posted recently that he and his wife don’t really exchange gifts, and the blogger from Save Spend Splurge posted that she was going with a no gift minimalist Christmas. Two female co-workers chastised me for not getting my wife a gift, especially since this was her first one as a mom, and because she gave birth by herself. Well no doubt, my wife is amazing, and she deserves an extravagant gift. But does she really want one? My co-workers said, just because a woman says she doesn’t want anything, she DOESN’T really mean it and I had better get something. A male co-worker chimed in and said that I better get something as he wouldn’t dare not get his wife a gift. The female co-workers said their husbands know better and would never not get a gift. Not only do their husbands have to get a gift or gifts, it better be extravagant and it better be ON THE DAY of Christmas! I guess those husbands who got gifts that were delayed by UPS and FedEx are in trouble.
So I relented and got my wife something. I got her a box of her favorite cookies from the bakery and a book that I know she would find very cute and a little romantic. Total cost $17. Yes I did use a coupon. My co-workers told me I had to go to Tiffany’s or to Macys. I know my wife, and while I’m sure an expensive necklace would be nice, we just have different priorities with our money. I am glad I did get something though as my wife got me a shirt from the Gap. She asked me if I would mind if she returns it and buy it back with a BETTER coupon. I love her and I love coupons! Of course, I don’t mind her returning it. Actually her frugality is probably a gift in itself! We’re just meant for each other!
I think it was nice to have given a gift to my wife. Sure, we decided on not getting gifts, but a small gift to show your appreciation and love for each other is fine. If you haven’t read The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts
Has anyone ever looked down on you for your frugality or perceived cheapness? What is your gift policy with your significant other?
I feel that most people who are “required” to get their significant other extravagant gifts haven’t looked at their priorities. You guys are on the same page with each other and that is 10 times more romantic than a shiny rock.
Dave @ The New York Budget recently posted…Making Any Amount of Charitable Giving Go Further
Good point, while I understand getting gifts as some people feel that gifts show one’s love for each other, it shouldn’t have to be extravagant…just thoughtful.
I second that Dave. Listen to this for not examining your priorities:
A couple I know are saving up to buy a house (to move out of their dad’s place, which they are constantly moaning about living there). They spent £3000 on each other last year, and I thought they’d tone it down a bit this year due to all the chat about saving money for the house fund. They toned it down to an £800 odd handbag for her and a 3DTV for him.
*Bangs head against table*
theFIREstarter recently posted…I’ve Joined The Yakezie Challenge!
I know a couple and they are buying a house also. Even with the extra expense…they still spent a lot during the holidays.
That’s good to hear. I’m happy that despite all the noise, you cut through and listened to the one person whose opinion actually mattered 🙂
Yes, you’re right, there is only one person whose opinion really matters on this issue.
While no one has yet to look down upon my perceieved cheapness with a loved one, their opinion certainly doesn’t count for anything. As long you and your spouse understand each other and your needs to give or not to give each others holiday gifts, thats all that matters.
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I know that their opinion doesn’t count, and as long as my wife agree then its fine, but it still makes me a little self conscious.
He should have gone to Jared’s! That cracked me up.
Frugality gets shamed, but so does consumerism. Heck, I do both, writing posts about how the guys on Extreme Cheapskates are crazy, but so are my spendy neighbors who buy new cars every few years. I wonder, why don’t they aim for the sensible middle ground, and just be like me? 😉
I figure that sort of stuff is hard-wired into us as human: we chastise anyone who we think is too far out of the norm.
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Haha, thanks! Those jewelry commercials are so corny! I see consumerism get shamed mostly in the personal finance arena…not so much in everyday life and media. Maybe extreme consumerism is shamed, but most shopping and buying seems to be “normal consumerism.”
My wife and I typically aren’t into big extravagant gifts either, but like to find something small and meaningful that we can give. My gift to my wife this year was a photo album with 5 slots on every page, and lots of pages. Each page represents 1 month and 4 slots will be used with a picture of each of our (planned) 4 kids at that age. The 5th is for a label. It only cost about $15 + a couple for the pictures but it has a lot of meaning.
I’ve definitely been made to feel out of place because of my values that don’t align with a lot of other people’s. It’s a tough situation to be in, but I think eventually the repetition will help. The stronger you can feel in your convictions the easier it will eventually become to ignore the haters.
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That sounds like a great gift…I might have to steal that idea. Although, I’m not sure about 4 kids! I feel pretty strong in my convictions, but I’m also very self-conscious!
Tell people that it is none of their business how you and your wife handle gifts. It is up to the two of you and only the two of you. I thought at first you were going to say your family was upset you didn’t get them gifts in which case I’d suggest getting them very small casual gifts with a $10 or so limit. Can’t believe co-workers would try to insert themselves into your decisions made as a couple.
Yes, I’ve read a few blog posts about family members being upset about not getting gifts, and that can be tough. I’m lucky that we don’t really get many gifts in our family…just the kiddos. I give my parents cash…they are hard to shop for and prefer it that way. As for my co-workers, they weren’t mean-spirited so I didn’t want to upset about it. I just kind of ignored their comments, and they haven’t brought it up again. Next time, I’ll just try to avoid the topic.
If you’re going to get something, get food.
My partner makes food for me 🙂 It’s the best gift.. EVER.
Thanks for the link inclusion!
save. spend. splurge. recently posted…Why people suck at keeping New Years Resolutions
Yes, food is a good gift…very practical and I love food too.
We are into buying each other things that we actually want or need. It’s usually small things because we fortunately have what we need, but we’re also trying to keep the Christmas spirit alive and part of it is gift buying. Fortunately, we’re not part of the crowd with expensive gifts and that whole Christmas consumerist madness. I actually thing that a few years from now people will start taking loans just to buy crazy stuff to their loved and not so loved ones, just because it’s that time of the year… we don’t want to do that 🙂
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Yes, I like buying and getting things that we actually need. I agree that having some gifts and opening them on Christmas is nice to have, but not necessarily expensive gifts. I can see people taking loans to buy gifts…actually I think people already do it…it’s called credit cards. I know people who carry a credit card balance after Christmas because of all the spending.
I would care less what anyone says about what I do with my family. Personally, Christmas is not all about gifts but since moving to the US, I have kind of adopted that culture a little bit. However, like you said you do not need to have a specific day to give your loved ones gifts just because that’s hat everyone else in the society does. Everyone is unique. Just like one doesn’t need to wait for Valentines to give flowers to their wife/girlfriend.
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Yea, I need to think like that more. I care too much what other people think. Christmas isn’t all about gifts, though it’s nice to get and give gifts. I actually never give flowers on Valentines Day anymore. The prices are marked up. I have gotten flowers on our anniversary or her birthday.
As a guy who makes his living off coupons I gotta say that I love your wife! LOL My wife is the same way and is always returning stuff to get a better deal/coupon.
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Haha, my wife was like “I can’t believe you told everyone on your blog that I said that.” Hey, I’m sure the readers would expect that from Mrs. Living Rich Cheaply.
Honestly, don’t let this bother you! I don’t think it is anyone’s (but your and your wife’s) business whether you exchange gifts or not!
If you both are happy and content, that’s all matters!
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Yes, I really shouldn’t! Thanks.
My husband and I do enjoy buying gifts for each other but the first 15 years of our marriage – it was also just the two of us. 🙂 Sorry to hear that you were bullied at working because you and your wife were planning on not exchanging gifts. Beyond the fact, it really isn’t my or their business, I have no problem with two people mutually deciding they should put their money towards other things. Or deciding to buy something small that they the know their partner will truly appreciate. Sure, I like extravagant gifts but if it comes when debt, then send it back is my motto.
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I think I’m leaning towards getting gifts, but maybe not extravagant gifts…and not necessarily EVERY holiday. Also, we can do things like going out and doing stuff, it doesn’t need to be a physical gift. We’re just running out of room…don’t need more stuff.
My wife and I are not big on “gifts” either. We prefer to plan for a trip now and then and enjoy that shared experience together . As the years go by, we enjoy the memories of those fun trips more than we would enjoy a material “gift.”
Great point, I think trips and shared experiences together are much more memorable. I can’t remember many of the gifts I’ve gotten from my wife, but I always remember things we do together.
My husband and I do not buy expensive gifts for one another, but we usually do have one or two small items wrapped and under the tree. Although being together is in fact the greatest gift it just seems odd not to have anything to open on Christmas day. Your coworkers probably made comments because to many people the holidays are all about the overabundance of gifts. We live very close to a mall and when I drove past it on the way to the grocery store for the two weeks leading up to Christmas I watched people driving around in circles searching for parking spaces. It’s become such the norm that most people can’t imagine a Christmas without them. Good for you for buying your wife gifts that would make her happy. You don’t have to spend a lot to make someone feel special.
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Actually, I think that’s a good idea. It’s nice to exchange gifts, and to have some gifts under the tree. I can understand having gifts on Christmas, though I don’t understand the need for overabundance. And you’re right, you don’t have to spend a lot to make someone feel special.
It is about the experiences, and not really about the objects that won’t mean anything in five years. Memories last.
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I agree…shared experiences are much more memorable.
We used to spend a lot more on each other, but now we set a $50 limit. It’s enough to buy some nice things (I got a really nice sweater from her) or to try to buy some smaller things. We both don’t like to spend money on ourselves in general so we like to do the whole gift thing because you can buy the other something they want but you know they won’t actually buy.
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Yea, the first few years, we did the gift thing, but it gets harder when you’re together longer. Not that you should take each other for granted, but we do have different priorities with money. Great point about buying something that the other person won’t buy. I love it when I can think of a gift idea…though it is tough as we don’t have too many wants.
My wife and I usually have a nice dinner for the holidays. Nothing wrong with giving no gifts especially your end goal is a house. You already have the best gift Andrew, a son. Happy new year.
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Yes, he is the best gift! Thanks.
Because we are in the beginning of our relationship we decided to get one another something really nice, but, I’d rather we saved that money for future expenses on the home. Either way, the holidays should be about enjoying the season and not spending the couple into ruin.
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Yes, in the beginning I think most people do the gift thing and we did too. Though we didn’t go crazy then either. My wife and I definitely are focused on saving money, but I guess it is nice to have some simple yet thoughtful gifts during the holidays. No need to be extravagant though.
I tend not to care what people think about our frugality because I know t is helping us achieve our financial goals. Also, I have read the Five Love Languages book and it was amazing because it helped me understand my wife better. Her love language is “gifts” which was a major revelation. I mean, I would clean her car and she might not even notice but if I bought her a bouquet of flowers for $10 she would want to jump and hug me. Definitely recommend that book as well!
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Yes, that book was an eye opener! Fortunately, my wife and I have somewhat similar love languages so we already understand each other. Well most of the time I think!
My husband and I have had some challenges with frugal gift giving. We typically put a cap on the amount that we’re allowed to spend on one another. We’re both okay with going a little over the cap, but not a lot. Sometimes hubs fumbles. This year for our 2nd anniversary, we agreed to a $10 cap, and a goal to stay with the traditional “cotton” gift for 2nd anniversaries. I spent probably $13, bought cotton fabric, and made really thoughtful silhouette pillows of our family. I teased hubs that I was going to get him cotton boxer briefs. He took this seriously, and decided to go to Victoria’s Secret to buy ridiculously overpriced (and not even cotton) lingerie! (It was at least $60). I was so disappointed. Not only was it not thoughtful (I would NEVER want over-priced lingerie), it also was 6x our budget. Poor guy. When it comes to gift-giving, he sometimes does okay, but sometimes he panics when given a spending cap.
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Yea, a $10 cap is tough. Hard to find something good to buy sometimes. And you just highlighted why it’s hard to buy gifts. I’m sure your husband thought that he found the perfect gift, but then you were disappointed.
The one thing I’ve learned about this whole “frugal” thing, is that the non-frugal people don’t get it, and probably never will. You guys did great, if you ask me. Thoughtful gifts that were inexpensive, and more money to go toward your goals, which, next to your son, really is the best gift. Happy New Year to you all, Andrew. 🙂
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Very true…non-frugal people just don’t understand!
Good for you for not “buying” pun intended, into your co-workers expectations. This Christmas my bf bought me a pair of slippers (and technically he got them for free because they were a part of another deal). I don’t need anything and I was perfectly happy with the slippers. I’d much rather have the “acts of service”-taking the dog for walks, helping me keep the house clean, doing the laundry etc, on a yearly basis, then one gift on one day.
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Ahh, so your love language is “acts of service” also! Yes, to me, that’s what shows love. Though it’s nice to get a gift too…so cool that you were perfectly happy with slippers that were technically free
Who cares about coworkers expectactions? Sorry but it just seems silly to let what other people do in their relationships have any influence on your relationship. That being said, I think the gift you decided on was a really nice idea! Frugal gifts can be really nice gifts. 🙂
Well, I don’t really let other people influence my relationship, but I got to thinking and I do think my wife would like to get a gift. She is definitely fine with something small and thoughtful though…she’s happy with a frugal gift…so I think we’ll stick with that.
I am often harassed at work for being frugal. My attitude is, “so what?” Then again, because I am so frugal and save so much, I didn’t mind spending $570 on a present for my wife. She got upset at me for spending that much. (I didn’t tell her how much I spent, but she knows the cost of the Vitamix blender that I bought.) She gave me a very nice picture book and some sort of candy that I passed on to our son. I noticed her old blender is in the electronic waste pile, so she can’t have been too upset.
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Oh yes, I remember you were looking for the blender. I hope she likes it. She probably isn’t that “upset” just didn’t want you to spend that much on her.
Me and my significant other are the same. We mostly skip gifts, especially extravagant ones. Yes, people think it’s weird but whatever. We both have everything we want or need. We much rather spend the money on a nice meal out or something like that. Though, I will say that a little gift here and there is always nice 🙂
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Yes, a nice meal out or some other activity is much more memorable. But true, a little gift sometimes is nice…probably even nicer since it’s unexpected.
Ha! We don’t usually exchange birthday gifts, other than going to treat ourselves on a date night, but we usually do something small for Christmas. You can always tell your co-workers you bought a diamond necklace. Ha! As long as you and your wife are on the same page, that’s all that counts. I think my wife would probably be upset, if I were to buy something really expensive for her. My money is her money. It’s all coming out of the same pocket, so it’s really just the thought that counts.
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I think we’ll be doing the same thing. We’ll do a small gift on Christmas just to have some gifts under the tree and to see my son watch us opening gifts. I guess I can lie to my co-workers…I was thinking of a good lie, though they haven’t mentioned it again. My wife would think the same thing…my money is her money and we have savings goals and not too many “wants” for material items.
We don’t really do gifts, but I am aware that my husband likes that aspect of special occasions so sometimes I make an effort! We didn’t this year though because things were totally crazy coming back from overseas and money was tight.
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I think my wife likes a small gift, so I will make an effort too. Though she definitely doesn’t want anything extravagant.
Hey Andrew — thanks for the mention!
It’s really hard to believe people sometimes, which is why I’m glad I found this community of like-minded people online. People are honestly so sad with their worthless little trinkets (that cost big bucks) to try to help them approximate happiness.
They cannot understand that people like us are happy in our lives and don’t need these absurd gifts to show our love. It almost made me sick to read them say you “had to go to Tiffany’s or to Macys” to buy a present.
Your wife sounds very cool asking to return it with a better coupon!!
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I know, I’d glad I found like-minded people, it makes it easier to feel like I’m not alone in my frugality. It is definitely a different mindset.
We didn’t give gifts or receive anything and we survived. We have other BIGGER plans than just few gifts or caring about what other people think. Yes, there are people who think we’re crazy to not spend on Christmas. Most of these people are DEEP into debt (one lost 2 houses already and still can’t recover), they can’t afford a 7 day vacation without a huge financial effort, most have lousy jobs and are unhappy. And yet, it’s normal to some of them to judge others just because we don’t give into all this crap.
Just mind your own life and business. We actually saved A LOT this past month and it helps us with all our plans for 2014. So, instead of splurging to impress them, we had some nice relaxing holidays and are ready for a very busy year 😀
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That’s right…I’m with you, we have much bigger plans than to spend on material things that we already have. Good to hear that you guys have saved a lot this past month. Good luck with your 2014 plans.
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I’ve gotten some “flak” for being too frugal a few times, but generally not so much. My wife is also very frugal, except when it comes to her family on Birthday’s and Xmas. Sky’s the limit…… : ]
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It’s good to have a frugal spouse…makes life much easier!
The only thing I hate more than gender stereotypes is a stranger/acquaintance telling me she knows my spouse better than I do! Oh, brother! I don’t care for gifts, either. If anything, a surprise (non-obligation like Christmas) and inexpensive.
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Yea, I think they assume everyone must be like them or that everyone must want material things! I agree that a surprise gift is probably more special.
Mrs TFS has got a Tiffany bracelet (This was bought in our lifestyle inflation phase a few years back, and it was still pretty much the cheapest one you can buy!). She asked for a new charm for it for Christmas, it was £85. I’m sorry but I am now too frugal (tight, whatever!) to spend that on Christmas. I found a similar one for £15. Unfortunately this was not good enough so now I’ve got to relent and buy it for her birthday instead so I’ve ended up wasting the £15. Complete backfire!
I also printed out 12 vouchers for her for various date nights/days. All in these will cost far more than an average Christmas present, but they are all things we’d probably end up doing anyway (so the actual cost was effectively zero), and it brings an extra bit of fun to the proceedings. She really liked that.
So there you go, two sides of the same coin there… it just goes to show you a bit of imagination goes a long way, and you don’t have to always spend money. But I suppose if someone asks for something in particular, you might as well buy that rather than try to scrimp on it (or just not buy it at all!?)
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Well you have to keep Mrs. TFS happy! If she does not have the save feelings towards gifts then it might not work. I do recommend the book The Five Love Languages…great for couples to better understand each other. I’ve bought some things for Mrs. LRC also and had to return or exchange them because it wasn’t what she wanted. It’s tough buying gifts sometimes. Glad to hear Mrs. TFS liked the voucher idea. I think date nights/days are probably going to be more memorable anyway.
Thanks, will check the book out!
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I have been shamed for my frugality many times and it no longer bothers me. Most of my friends and family members “get it” and the rest who don’t are broke anyway.
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I love your attitude Holly! I need to stop caring too much what others think about me.
Very rarely do I meet people that “get it”.
But in reality, I think there are more than I realize; we’re just all too scared to talk about it publicly for fear of shaming.
It can be hard to be different.
Yea, I’ve been deterred from revealing my frugality…that’s for sure. Where are you been?
Amazing, isn’t it? We are the same way. We didn’t get each other anything and we were happy to do so. I heard so many people talking about the same things. How much shopping to do, that it’s so stressful, so expensive, etc. I just want to ask them why they can’t say no…
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Yes, I’ve wanted to ask them the same thing. Probably not a good idea though! They’d look at me with a confused look because they don’t see any other way.
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My husband have been married 7 years. We have never exchanged Christmas presents, or anniversary presents. What we do is splurge on seafood (lobster, crab legs, etc. and great wine) and cook at home. We save all our money for travel. He got himself the most low maintenance woman ever!
Your husband is a lucky man! I’m glad that my wife is low maintenance as well…it makes life easier. And it definitely matters that you guys are on the same page and have the same priorities. Gifts aren’t as important…but rather you have money to travel and also eat delicious seafood. I’m really hungry now reading about lobster and crab legs!
Lol! Love seafood, and you would think it would be cheaper now that we are living on an island, but no…they ship pretty much everything to Italy because they pay more over there. I like your blog a lot and look forward to more articles.
Thanks for the compliment Kemkem…it means a lot. Thank you for reading. I’d think that seafood would be cheaper too if you lived on an island!
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