When I was a little kid, I remember wearing a T-shirt with my favorite cartoon character: Popeye. As I got older, I would love wearing my New York Knicks T-shirt, my favorite team. I think it was in high school when I noticed people wearing outfits emblazoned with designer names and logos. Students would wear things with big letters that announced what designer brand they wore: Tommy Hilfiger, Calvin Klein, etc. What was this…the Oscar’s where reporters ask celebrities, “so what are you wearing?” It seemed like people were walking advertisements. I would laugh inside at how ridiculous this was. Maybe my laugh was a defense mechanism as I couldn’t afford designer digs. I remember hoping that this would only last during my adolescent years, and that as mature adults, people would care less about what you wear and care only about the content of your character. Alas, that is not to be.
It seems that even in adulthood, the “arms race” to see who has the nicest toys and the best and most glamorous appearance has only intensified. Unlike the teen years where one could only rely on their allowance, maybe a part-time job or parents’ generosity to buy these items, adults have the financial wherewithal to bankroll these purchases. Well, some don’t have the financial wherewithal to make these purchase, but they do have credit cards to pay for them. But just because we can afford these purchases, does it mean we should make them? And I use the word “afford” loosely. Apparently in our consumerist culture, just being able to make the monthly payments without going bankrupt means you can afford it.
I’m not talking about paying a little more to get a better quality product. Significantly, a higher price does not always mean better quality. But it also can’t be disputed that more often than not, people pay more for a certain brand because of its status symbol.
I touched on this subject in my guest post on Cashcowcouple, Don’t Act Rich. Be Rich. In it, I wrote about how many people are happy buying these status symbols so they can appear rich, but do not do the work which will actually bring them wealth like saving and investing.
The blogger from Done by Forty made a very insightful comment:
Outward displays of wealth often, and ironically, lessen that wealth…sometimes dramatically. But we’re social creatures, too. It’s unrealistic to think we can just rise above the need for status
Ah yes…a very valid point. We are indeed social creatures and the need to display our status might even be ingrained in our DNA. In the context of biology and anthropology “Dominance” is the state of having high social status relative to one or more other individuals, who react submissively to dominant individuals. This enables the dominant individual to obtain access to resources such as food or potential mates at the expense of the submissive individual, without active aggression. An ape’s individual rank or status is partly measured by its access to resources: food. In the human world, many men may feel the need to drive a fancy car and wear an expensive watch as an external sign of superiority. Having such luxuries may be an attempt to signal wealth to a potential mate.
I don’t necessarily think that was what Done by Forty was referring to though. As social creatures, we want to fit in and don’t want to be looked upon as an outcast. If everyone dresses a certain way or has certain things, we feel the need to have that to. Another reason I think people purchase these status symbols is because not only does it show others that they’ve made it, but it shows themselves that they’ve made it. In a recent interview of Johnny Weir who was one of the Winter Olympics figure skating commentators, he mentioned that he wore fur coats because fur coats to him signify success and wearing them gave him the feeling that he’d made it. I know of many people who feel the same way about buying a house. I’m sure for other people it might be a luxury car or a handbag.
I am a grown adult and while I still am a social creature, I don’t think I’m as susceptible to these pressures. With age, I care less and less about what others think of me, but I can’t deny that I still struggle with it at times. I might have it easier as I probably don’t have as much pressure from those in my work environment and my peers to have those status symbols. What I do fear is for my kids. I’ve enjoyed reading Shannon Ryan’s blog, The Heavy Purse, who writes a lot of articles about raising financially confident kids and kids who are not entitled. While I can say all I want about focusing on intrinsic goals and not on extrinsic goals, which involves owning the fancy accoutrements of the rich, can I expect that of my kids? With the knowledge I’ve gained reading Shannon’s blog, I think I can. But it seems to be getting tougher in this generation. I have young cousins, nieces and nephews in middle school and high school and I can see that the pressure to dress a certain way and have the latest cell phones is immense. My wife’s cousin in middle school was told that she and her family were “poor” because she didn’t have a smartphone. It definitely seems harder nowadays not to succumb to the pressures of keeping up our image when other parents are constantly buying their kids everything they want.
Do you feel the need to maintain a certain image within your co-workers, family and friends? Is it tougher to children these days to keep up a certain image as well? How do you deal with these pressures?
It’s bad that the title of this post immediately made me think of “Image is nothing. Thirst is everything” (old Sprite commercial). It just goes to show how deep marketers have their hooks in me!
One of my friends once argued that he wanted to make a lot of money so that he could attract a desirable girl. As humans and products of evolution, he argued, that is the basic goal of life. I contended that the fact that we have evolved to be higher thinking creatures means that we have the luxury of NOT being held to that standard and having the ability for a much wider variety of experiences and outcomes making us happy in life.
This is similar to the flaunting of wealth (that you may or may not actually have). Because we have developed into reasoning human beings, we can decide that our innate desire to show off our wealth isn’t necessarily the most efficient path to happiness for us anymore.
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I guess I’m older because the title was inspired by Andre Agassi’s commercials for Canon Rebel cameras where the motto was “Image is Everything” I remember those sprite commercials too! You’re right that as we’ve evolved to be higher thinking creatures, we can choose not to show off our wealth. But I can understand that there is a lot of pressure to do so.
haha, I had the same reaction when I saw the title… Made me reminisce back to those old school commercials featuring Grant Hill.
I find that the more money I make, the less I concern myself with image… When I first graduated college, I used to get a hard time from a lot of people… Over the years, from what I’ve seen, people become so preoccupied with their own lives that they don’t really have as much time (or energy) to care so much about what you wear, or what you drive…
I’ve recently shared my blog with some close friends, and now they don’t care either. They no longer give me a hard time about what clothes I wear or what car I drive… They just want to know, “how did you do all this and can you teach me?”
I think it gets easier with age… priorities change.
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Haha…I forgot about Grant Hill being in those commercials. I need to find it on youtube! That’s great that there isn’t much pressure to keep up with the Joneses. Priorities definitely change with age for most, though I still see many who’s priorities still have owning status symbols and appearing rich to be near the top. I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I’m in NYC. Where are you from?
San Francisco Bay Area. You’ll find lots of extremes here. Sure, you’ll see a ton of Teslas streaking by, but also senior directors who drive nothing more than a Nissan Sentra.
It’s easy to see who’s rich out here, but picking out those who have real wealth is difficult. Not uncommon to find millionaires shopping at the flea market…
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That’s great…The Millionaire Next Door!
I have to agree that I don’t feel as pressured, mostly because my coworkers feel similarly. No one dresses up, most of us drive modest cars; it’s nice. My friends don’t care about status symbols either. I do see that my youngest cousin, who is in her last years of high school, always wants the new phones, tablets and name brand clothes. Kids definitely have a hard time in school trying to fit in, and I can relate to that. My parents couldn’t afford to shop at the mall for name brand clothes, but luckily technology wasn’t as far along so we all had the same cell phones. I was never in the “popular” crowd. Glad I’m not dealing with that anymore!
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Me neither, but I have friends who work in the city in big companies where it seems like the culture is different. High school can be a difficult time…and BACK WHEN I WENT!!! There were no cellphones! haha. Though some of those high tech students had a pager!
It’s funny because I never really succumbed to the “image” issue because I grew up with no money so I didn’t have the ability to even “buy” into it. So when I made money, I just though it was silly. But I think you bring up an interesting point about children. It’s funny because once we become parents things that would mean nothing to us become more emotional because we are more emotional where our children are concerned. I live in an affluent neighborhood where my son can go to playdates in “mansions” and he comments on what other children have that he doesn’t and my response to him all the time is “If so and so’s parents wants to make stupid financial choices where their money is concerned I can’t control them, I can only control how we make choices in this house and we make smart ones.” This not only shuts him up but makes him think differently about the mansions and toys.
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Same with me Shannon…we never had the ability to buy it either. Fortunately, even when I had some more money, I kept my frugal ways. I know many who grew up feeling deprived decide to make up for it. The only thing about telling a child that other parents are making stupid financial choices is that I’d be scared they say this to those parents or parents’ child and I’d have to explain my comment to them!
What a thoughtful post, Andrew. I wish we had some good solutions to the problems of consumerism and the pressures of advertisements. I fear they are here to stay though, as they tap into our need to belong and to establish a more desirable place in the pecking order, as you noted. Maybe things do get better as we age: maybe, over time, we’re better able to see that the kind of status gained by purchases is fleeting, and pretty superficial anyway.
I’m of the opinion that we really do need social acceptance and status, so I try to replace the kind given by purchases with other approaches. Like in our personal finance community: I think we get a kind of status when we achieve certain things (“I paid off my last credit card!” or “I hit a milestone in my net worth!”). These sort of things, I think, tap into that same need to feel like we’re doing well, that we are accepted, and we have a good status among our peers. They address our emotional needs. But they do so in a way that’s also beneficial to us financially and otherwise.
Thanks so much for the mention, too. I really appreciate it!
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Thanks DB40. It’s not a problem in the personal finance community as frugality is not only accepted, it is encouraged. I think you might be right that with the pressures of advertisements and the markets…these problems of consumerism will not be resolved anytime soon.
Thanks for the mention, Andrew. I truly appreciate it and it makes me feel good to have played a small role in helping you feel better prepared to teach your kids how to use their money wisely. As my girls grow older, they have become more conscious of what others have that we don’t, etc. I certainly expect they will start wanting clothes that have certain designer labels, etc. I suspect that I will fall back on what I have always done – letting them figure out where those designer clothes fit into their budget. I don’t have an issue with them wanting designer clothes per se, but I want them to be able to prioritize and compromise so they figure out how to get what they want without blowing their budget or feeling deprived. Our goal-setting process and really figuring out what makes our hearts the happiest have been great exercises for the girls (all of us actually) along with letting them make some money mistakes too. Most of time it involves buying something to fit in. It’s been a good lesson for the girls to feel the pain of money wasted.
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I definitely feel much more prepared as dealing with money and kids can always be a very tough issue. Teaching children to prioritize and compromise is very important. I think that when the child makes the decision with regard to the purchase, they’ll not only learn the value of a dollar, but understand that the purchase of an expensive item affects their budget and might hinder other purchases that they may want to make.
I don’t feel as pressured where we live now as I did in the South. Appearance was much more of an issue there than in Colorado, although the desire for “toys” might be greater here. I would love to say I don’t care at all, but I do in certain circumstances. I still like to look professional at work, and I think that’s important, but now I look for better deals and think about purchases before hand. Instant gratification along with the monthly payment option can really ruin your financial goals, and that’s a road I never want to take again.
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Interesting that it’s different in the South as opposed to Colorado. I think looking professional at work is very important, it just doesn’t warrant buying expensive name-brand outfits. I want a good suit but I don’t need an Armani one!
I definitely feel some pressure to keep up an image around my friends and coworkers. It’s not terrible but for example I have a coworker who goes out for lunch several times a week and always invites me to go with. I go out with her once in awhile but most days I just brown bag it and sometimes feel embarrassed for always saying no. It’s not that I don’t want to, I just don’t have it in my budget.
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I’m lucky that my co-workers bring their own lunch too, but when I worked with those who didn’t…I did feel odd if I said no all the time.
One of the things I love (and didn’t appreciate until I got older) about growing up in rural Maine, is there was less pressure to drive a nice car, wear designer clothing and carry designer handbags. I had no idea what Tiffany or Cartier meant or who Louis Vuitton was. I could have been run over by a Lexus before I knew what one was. Now that I’m living in the metro NYC area, image and image consciousness is everywhere. I’m thankful to work in social services where (for the most part) my co-workers don’t care what I wear or “who” I’m wearing.
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Ahh yes, I’m sure the mindset is different in rural Maine. I work in government and I’m glad that most people here don’t care either. I know people who work in the city where image is very important.
Andrew,
Whenever I’m with friends that are much more successful than I am I often have the urge to want to live where they do and have all the nicest things. I always remind myself their income is a lot higher than mine and that my ultimate end goal is to never worry about money. Chasing nice things means always chasing my tail.
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Good point. When I hang out with people who have nice things and who make more money than me, I sometimes feel a little envy. But I try to just focus on my own goals and buying nice toys doesn’t get me to that goal.
Companies are starting the get the kids younger and younger now in days. It really all depends where you work, who you hang out with and how you deal with others. It surprises me sometimes how some people can care about what brand of socks they wear while others go around wearing their Monday shirt. In college I felt some pressure around the girls, but luckily, after the first year, it was whatever was the most comfortable and easiest to put on in the morning. And now, we all wear uniforms so no one really cares at all.
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It does seem that way. I need to get rid of the television before my child gets any older! Someone noticed my nice socks one time…I was pretty surprised. I got them for free as my wife worked at a distributor which sold socks! And yes, wearing uniforms definitely makes it easier which is why some schools are trying to implement that. That’s probably not a bad idea.
Nice post Andrew! It can be very easy to succumb to that trap of believing you “need” to have something in order to reach a certain status. This comes from a number of levels, from how you were raised, the environment you’re in and the marketing you see. We’re in marketing, mainly B2B, but marketers voraciously go after children as they know parents will spend make them happy. That said, I believe it an be difficult to rise above that felt desire or need to achieve status, but not impossible. I think so much of it comes down to your mindset as well as your willingness to likely take on a payment mentality to achieve said status.
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Thanks John. Yes, it does seem like the marketers love to go after the kids. I’m not looking forward to the day when my son is old enough to ask me to buy stuff when we go to the store! I agree with you that it comes down to your mindset and willingness, but it is a lot tougher if the environment you are surrounded by constantly has the pressure to maintain a certain image.
Image does seem to be everything in our culture. I mean, even at work it sometimes comes down to who is in the office the longest instead of who actually gets things done. It’s an image thing, not an actual productivity thing. A programmer here sometimes gets looked down on because he is often taking smoke breaks and leaves by 3:00 or so each day. Thing is, he gets in at 5am and you can only run so many jobs at once. He actually probably ‘produces’ more than most people at my work. Unfortunately people don’t understand these things and think he’s lazy or wasting company time. These same people get in after 8 and I’m sure take their fair share of ‘breaks’ throughout the day, even if they are sitting in their cube.
How things are perceived is, unfortunately, very important in our culture.
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You make a good point. Perception is not always reality, but it does seem that how you are perceived is often what people will judge you on.
I used to feel like status items meant money, which meant success. Now I’m much more aware that it, for most people, is just a house of cards. They can’t afford the purchases they have, but they are so intent on displaying their wealth and success that it doesn’t matter to them. I’m very lucky/fortunate in that I have really stopped caring about what people think. I don’t mind wearing older clothes, and it doesn’t matter to me if they come from Goodwill or Nordstrom. But image is everything to some people. It’s really more of what’s on the inside (your bank account) that matters to me than what’s on the outside (some $200 shirt).
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Yes…I’d much rather have a big bank account than a $200 shirt as a display of wealth and success! I used to think that way too: that status items symbolized wealth and success, but nowadays, it just symbolizes excess and probably debt.
I live the frugal lifestyle fairly openly, so I don’t feel that I need to pretend anything at all. Everyone knows I’m cheap and they expect it now. They would probably think something weird was going on if I bought something flashy or tried to look like I had any money.
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Great to hear that you’re frugal and proud of it!
I always try to present myself in the best light possible, but I don’t really care so much about material things to accomplish that end. I couldn’t care less about fancy cars, expensive clothes, cool toys, etc. That’s the honest to goodness truth. I’d rather have financial independence and security over any of that kind of stuff no matter how it may impact my image. My wife, while not obsessively concerned with image, isn’t as “grounded” (I’m not sure if that’s the right word) as me. She wants the name brand purse or shoes. She fancies the nice cars. She wants nice stuff…partly for image but also for the perceived enjoyment of those items. In a way, we balance each other out. I am concerned for my children as well. I’ll do my best to raise them with the right ideals and then hope they don’t become too materialistically concerned with their image.
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Me too…but you don’t need name brand things or expensive ones to look good. And I agree…I’d much prefer financial independence and security over material things. I like what you said about “perceived enjoyment” because honestly, do people truly enjoy a name brand item that much? I’m not sure.
At my last job, I worked with very brand obsessed women, which made it hard for me as a person who buys her non name brand clothing at thrift stores. They were never rude to me, but I’m sure they judged me.
Now I work with people who might like nice shoes but even then, I get away with my Payless shoes no problem. 🙂
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That would be tough if you are surrounded by people who are brand obsessed. Glad they never made any rude comments to you. Payless BOGO deals are awesome!
More awesomeness here, Andrew. This was the story of our lives pre-road-to-debt-free. We “had it all”: the awesome house, nice cars, etc., etc. What we also had was lots and lots of debt. Now that we’ve left “normal” society for the country, we can see from the outside looking in what a crazy rat race this stuff all is. Now we don’t care one bit about our old cars, and plain clothes, and we’re on our way to serious financial freedom.
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Thanks Laurie! I loved that you’ve been on both sides which gives you a unique perspective. Glad you guys are on the way to financial freedom.
I agree the pressure for teenagers is greater because they are being persuaded by ads everywhere they look. They are still young and looking to fit in with society. As adults we have been there and done that, so we can easily remove that type of thinking from our lives. It’s sad when I see people in their 30 and 40s still trying to be something they are not, aka rich.
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It is sad…but there are plenty of people still trying to act rich!
Ha! When you said “I might have it easier as I probably don’t have as much pressure from those in my work environment and peers”, I think that’s definitely true for me as well. Your work environment probably plays a huge part of it. While I’m not very image conscious and I certainly don’t want my children to be or to be worried/care about designer/brand names, I can see how in some professions how you present yourself is important. For some reason, I keep picturing those real estate agents with the fancy cars and dripping in jewelry. Ha! But at the same time, I’m not sure if I would trust them equally if they came to my door donning track pants. 🙂 …unless they were some kind of designer track pants or something lol j/k.
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Yes, the work environment is very crucial. If I worked in the city with everyone going out to eat and wearing a certain type of clothing…it would be a lot harder to bring my lunch everyday and not dress a certain way. The rental agent who showed us our apartment was in a nice suit and drove a Porsche…which he made a point to show me by pretending to leave some papers there!
It’s important to me to look nice, but that doesn’t come in the form of specific labels or brands for me. It comes from putting things together that I find from anywhere (a friends discard pile, thrift stores, clearance racks, etc) and making it work for myself. I haven’t bought a non workout related article of clothing in well over a year, possibly two. Though I could REALLY use some new socks 😉
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Agreed…it is important to look nice, but that doesn’t mean you need to wear a certain brand name. Luckily for me, my wife used to work for a sock distributor and I got a bunch of free socks!
“I know of many people who feel the same way about buying a house.” For many years my family members told me I should buy a house. Even during the housing bubble I had people telling me I should buy a house. I thought that was crazy. So glad I didn’t listen to them and bought at the bottom of the market. Right now I’m paying off some credit card debt from renovations to my home and everyone in my close circle knows it. I am not traveling, going out to eat much or spending much on clothing. I already had someone tell me, “it’s not healthy to just pay off debt and not take a little vacation”. What? I also had another family member wanting us to travel across country to visit them because they are having a baby later this year. I mean, we would love to meet the baby in person but we can’t really afford to travel and they know this so why make us feel guilty about?
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I still have family members tell me that I need to buy a place and not flush money down the drain! It’s tough when people put the guilt trip on you and expect you to spend money to travel cross country. In their minds…money is to be spent not saved. While it’s good to reward yourself sometimes…you can still do so by affordable means.
I used to be all about my image. That thinking is what got me into credit card debt. Now, I don’t care as much about showing my wealth, but I still do like to dress in certain ways. I don’t like to look like a slob all of the time.
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Haha, yea I’m not advocating people dress like a slob, but it drives me nuts when people say they will only wear a certain brand or style which usually is costly!
I honestly feel no pressure, and I live in LA where supposedly we are really bad about that. But I don’t see my friend’s keeping up with the Jones’s either. I do know one person like that here but I work with him, and see what he does to try to impress clients. I don’t have much time for that. I do try to do things to make myself feel good, but I do that for me, not anyone else.
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Yea, I would think LA would be tough, but fortunately you are surrounded by friends who aren’t trying to keep up with the Joneses. I agree that you might need a certain image to get clients but even then, I think you can look successful without spending a fortune.
The only reason I may shop for a particular brand is because I believe the brand provides exceptional quality. I like to wear Levis jeans because they last for decades and fit me well. I try to look good when I go to work or to a formal gathering, but I certainly don’t go around showing off the brand of clothes I am wearing. Same goes for the vehicles we drive, the house we live in, or the toys in the house. We have what we have because we want them and used them, not because we want to impress anyone.
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Yep, some brands just fit better or are better quality. And there’s nothing wrong with trying to look good. Just don’t need always need expensive clothes and cars to look good. It only drives me crazy when people prefer a certain brand name because the image that it projects. I’m not trying to impress other people with my car…I just want something practical that is reliable.
I do admit to falling into labels at times, I do agree that it becomes less and less important with shifting priorities like having a house or wanting kids. I see it a lot in SoCal, and I agree it becomes tougher with kids (I see some of my friends’ toddlers with iPads already, and high schoolers nearby already ride in Range Rovers and the like). However, I hope to implement a lot of Shannon’s teachings when I hopefully become a parent, since I agree it’s important to not raise entitled children.
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Toddlers with iPads! What? Although Baby LRC is 8 months and is always grabbing at my iPhone so I can see they want it…he’s not getting an iPad though. I saw a baby bouncer/jumper that included an attachment to put an iPad! And yes the high schoolers…that’s crazy when I see them with nicer cars than most people. Obviously they didn’t buy it themselves.
When I was younger, image WAS everything. I wanted to have exactly what everybody else had, no more and more less, because I didn’t want to be an outcast. Now that I’m older, I am fine with being an outcast. I am different, and I’m okay with that. Sometimes I get self conscious but often I feel empowered for being so okay with being a bit different.
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It’s those differences that make you stand out and more fun to be around. 🙂
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Excellent point Bryce! You’re not an outcast Daisy…you’re unique and that’s what makes you special!
Yes, actually! I do feel pressure. But I feel more pressure to come across as hippie-chic. I’m not sure why I give off that vibe, but everyone asks me about yoga, natural foods, and traveling like I know this stuff. When I wear something more “preppy” I get called out about it. Sometimes I want to scream “I really love eating Easy Mac and wearing leather shoes!”
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